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Our Story

“I was 18 when I met him —the boy who would become my husband, my first great love, and the person I thought I’d grow old with.Let’s call him B.He was the kind of person who made friends wherever he went. Shy but charismatic, full of stories and light. But with me, he was soft and loud, he would talk for hours, but quiet and observant with groups.

He didn’t have to perform.He could just be — and I loved every layer of him.We got married.It was a small wedding, full of the people who mattered.We danced, we drank, we laughed.It was perfectly us.And in the background, our song played —“I’ll Follow You Into the Dark.”I didn’t know then how literal that would one day feel.Because behind his smile was pain.Behind the jokes and fun energy, something quieter lived.

Something heavy. Something he didn’t always understand — and couldn’t always explain.There were days when he seemed disconnected, like he was underwater.And only when substances blurred the edges could he touch something real — even if just for a moment.He never wanted to hurt anyone.He loved animals. He loved me.But he couldn’t find peace. Not in himself. Not in the world.And five years ago, he left.By choice, but not without pain.

By his own hand, but not without love.And I’ve been trying to make sense of it ever since.This blog is my way of remembering him honestly —not just the version people saw, but the man I knew.The man who suffered silently, who carried too much, who didn’t know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden.If you’ve ever loved someone who hurt quietly, this is for you.If you’ve ever blamed yourself for someone else’s pain, this is for you.If you’re still carrying a goodbye you didn’t want to say — this is for you.For B, always.

And for everyone who loved someone like him.–